#7 Dead dreams

This piece may oppose what I said about being consistent and committing to something every day in my previous blog. The nuance is that consistency only matters when the thing we commit to still deserves our commitment.

When I was 21, my grandma tasked me to put together a 40-year plan for what I want to do with the rest of my life. As much as it was inspiring and guided me through the majority of my 20s, recently I noticed one of those plans no longer fits the person I've become. I needed to have a farewell.

All to say that some goals belong to a previous self. Letting them go is not failure. It is honesty. It is maturity.

Saying goodbye to expired dreams is a discipline many of us quietly avoid. We tend to carry old ambitions long after they stop fitting who we are, not because they are still alive, but because we once believed in them deeply.

I don’t mean giving up on life-long dreams. Some belong with us for decades. What I mean is: letting go of certain dreams creates space for clarity and more genuine desires. I call these dead dreams.

Dead dreams must be let go. The question is: how do we know when a dream is dead?

“The human mind suffers from a severe case of narrative fallacy.” - Nassim Taleb

We tell ourselves stories about our future and grow loyal to them, even when reality changes. At the pace of life and growth, a dream that once made complete sense can expire and quietly fade into who we used to be.

I know I pitched a bunch about my streak last blog, but I still question whether Duolingo is worth my time every now and then. This is the level of severity my narrative fallacy lands at. Then I keep persuading myself that nothing is final because everything can use refinement. Ah, human greed…

Again, letting it go is not betrayal but self-forgiveness and honesty. It clears the mental space.

The moment we look back and recognize how much we've changed, the death of a dream or two becomes clear.

Another psychological idea that deepens this realization is the end of history illusion. It refers to the human tendency to underestimate how much we will change in the future. In studies, people of all ages recognized that they had changed significantly in the past, yet believed they would change very little going forward. The present feels like the final version of ourselves, as if we have finally arrived at who we are meant to be.

Because of this illusion, the dead dreams remain in our mind and heart long after they stop serving us. We continue to carry ambitions that were designed for a different stage of life, a different environment, or a different understanding of the world.

Though people evolve, there is also a sense that the core remains steady. Over time and experience, we discover more of ourselves, and life starts to feel richer and more abundant. With this discovery comes a widening of options: new paths, new interests, new ways of living that we could not have imagined before.

The problem arises when dead dreams continue to occupy space without intention or purpose. They remain in our mental storage like unused files on a device. The more we hoard, the slower and less efficient we become, not because we lack ability, but because our attention and energy are tied to outdated possibilities.

Saying goodbye becomes a form of self-discovery and self-acceptance. Old options belonged to a different time and place, and releasing them creates space for more lively dreams that are aligned with who we are today.

🙏🏼This is my invite for you, dear gentle reader, to write down one dead dream you've been carrying that no longer fits. Name it. Thank the dream for guidance. Let it go.

On the journey,

~ Soka ~